I always kind of just learned and focused in my own way which was NO way. I always knew that there was something up with how I processed information and chose to handle any sort of school work or even physical work. Having jobs and keeping jobs was a HUGE struggle of mine growing up and even into my twenties I just couldn’t focus on a single thing ever and that held me back in so many ways. I remember being in school and just making any excuse I possibly could to just NOT do what I needed to do and that got me into quite a bit of trouble and held me back in so many ways. I could START a class and then just instantly begin to struggle processing the information and finishing any task. I had always been super social and I just thought that socializing was more important to me then finishing the work.
I really wanted to finish the work but I just didn’t know how and that began to get EXTREMELY overwhelming on me to the point of almost dropping out of high school. It had gotten so bad in high school that I just would skip every day and avoid doing ANYTHING I needed to do because it was just way too much on me and my brain. It was my senior year of high school and I remember my counselor being like hey, you Arne’t going to graduate. I was devastated because I mean I WANTED to do the work and EVERYTHING was screaming “I NEED HELP” but there was no help and that was a huge bummer. I really do feel like if I had gotten the help I needed then I could have done better in school but that wasn’t the case, nobody at home CARED and the teachers / counselor was apparently clueless. So I was held back and had to take senior year over again and it was pretty embarrassing but at the same time it was a fresh start for me to get what I needed done to graduate.
My super senior year of high school was a little bit better I basically just coasted so I could get “passing” grades and make it through and although it wasn’t an IDEAL situation I did graduate after 5 long years of high school and got my diploma. I wanted to go to college and do all of the things that you do after high school and it was really hard because I could barely keep a job and I wanted to go to college which was HARDER than college? So I went and I STRUGGLED. I could go but AGAIN I struggled so bad, I couldn’t focus in person or online and it was just too much on me. So I quit. I worked and that was OKAY I did bounce around job to job because when things started getting REMOTELY hard I would be like Yeah I can’t do this and I would quit. Processing information and handling these huge tasks at my job just were too much on me and looking back I KNEW something was up but I just didn’t know who to talk to about these issues regarding learning and how to improve.
Fast forward years later I had my children and had been doing photography which had been REALLY good for me. I have always been incredibly artistic I love painting, drawing, anything that included self expression so photography was perfect for my brain. I mean think about it, it didn’t require book work, writing or doing anything that would be complicated. I could express myself through being myself at shoots do what I needed to do then edit the photos which was easy because it was chronological. When things get scattered or out of order that is when my brain basically just SHUTS DOWN and doesn’t know what to do. So I had been doing that for a long time and I still do it but I discovered birth work and how incredible that was for me to be a part of. I love educating others I just don’t like educating myself because I just couldn’t do it, process it. I am a visual type so that was easier for me but the thought of sitting and doing a study guide or project just makes me feel SUPER anxious and I just can’t so I won’t.
I got into schooling and started advancing my way through my certifications so I could better my education and I realized wow this is really hard my brain is really struggling. So I stopped doing my courses I just didn’t know how to balance my courses, kids, my home and everything else so it was easier for me to just simply stop. But then I got really overwhelmed because I WANTED to do them I wanted to complete my tasks, finish my school work, take off in my career I just didn’t know how to. That was the hard part HOW DO I DO THIS I CANNOT do this and I need help.
So I reached out to my provider who also specialized in mental health and everything that comes with that department and I basically had to do an evaluation with her and with a counselor that was with the office to talk about what was going on and what my options would be to bettering myself. We talked a lot on what was going on with me, how I was able to and not able to handle tasks. How my life felt like a mess and I wanted to do all of these things I just didn’t know how. I was super thankful that there was someone that I was able to talk to about my brain and issues processing and handling information and tasks. I think we just feel “Well this is how it is” then we just keep that mindset because we don’t really know any better sometimes. But being someone who is a huge advocate about talking about what is going on with me I just took the leap and said hey I need to talk about this issue / issues and I need help. I am so glad I did. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, dyslexia and that was really hard to throw at my depression and anxiety.
But I was able to figure out a plan for myself. I was able to find a dose that worked for me with my ADHD that wasn’t too much or too little. It helped me in SO MANY ways. I still struggle, I do. It isn’t a cure but man just talking to someone about what was going on with me changed my life. I can focus, work daily on my goals, stay focused and motivated. I am not going to lie sometimes I have really bad days. Medication is NOT a cure all. The best way to better ourselves is a combination of things. The medication for whatever you are going through DOES help but you have to remember you have to do the work too. You have to make sure you are taking care of yourself, working on things you need to work on, create an environment for yourself so you can focus and work and have a good mindset about what you are wanting to accomplish. Never be afraid to talk about what is going on with you, I was nervous but so thankful I chose to speak up.
I want to achieve my goals. I want to accomplish amazing things. I just need some help and that IS OKAY. Never feel like needing help is the easy way out because trust me, it isn’t. Working on yourself and bettering yourself so you can be your best is the ultimate goal.
i always tell him to get off me, it's hot and im sweaty and gross 😅💦
i couldn't handle my son's attitude this morning. i'm currently locked in my room, pretending to be asleep while he's doing online school 😒
the only thing that keeps me going some days, is how awful it would be for my partner to tell my child they’ll never see their mom again. it tears me apart and it keeps me here.